Things you CAN control – How you speak to yourself

Words matter and the words that matter the most are the ones you say to yourself. Your self-talk doesn’t change what happens to you but it can determine how you respond to your circumstances and how you cope.

One of the things women often reach for when overwhelmed, anxious or distressed is a cuppa with a good friend. Not every friend. You know the one. The friend, who doesn’t try and fix you, rescue you or tell you what you did wrong. She just listens with empathy and demonstrates she gets how tough things are for you. She has no magic wand but spending time with her somehow makes you feel seen and heard, and validated in your distress. How did she do that? What difference did it make to you? What words did she say that helped you shift from war to peace, from chaos to calm, from overwhelmed to grounded, from helpless to empowered, from despair to hope? Remember her words.

Next time you’re in distress, try and notice what your head is telling you. Chances are, those words aren’t true! They’re probably nothing like you would say to a friend who was going through the same thing. They’ve also likely been replaying inside your head your whole life. Notice them and thank them …. and then let them go. Letting go happens much easier when you replace those unhelpful words with words that are true – like the words your friend spoke that eased your pain.

You may have no control over what happens to you at times, but you CAN control how you respond. Next time when things are tough, talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. Or like your good friend would talk to you!


  • Janine Hanna

    Co-Founder / Manager Janine brings extensive experience to her role as Manager, having worked as a specialist oncology and palliative care chaplain in hospitals since 2005, providing emotional and spiritual support for patients, families and staff. Janine is skilled at guiding those in her care to discovering new ways to regain peace and connection with self.

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